North Daryl Goes Feral with Viral Quarrel to Imperil Sterile Barrel

Under the ‘silver lining’ heading, I read a report recently that March was the first month since 2002 that we have not had a school shooting.  So, this pandemic thing is not all bad.  Those silly liberals used to call gun violence a public health crisis.  This pandemic just goes to show that guns don’t kill people.  People with guns, within shooting distance of other people, kill people.  

And now, to explain the title.  I live in Ohio.  We have bragging rights in our ‘fly-over’ region for the good government approach to handling the Covid-19 crisis.  Buckeye nation, let me hear you.  OH-IO!  Here in Ohio, we are surrounded by Daryl and his 3 brothers Daryl, Daryl, and Daryl.  More specifically, North Daryl, South Daryl, East Daryl and West Daryl.  ( Pennsylvania is Larry). So, that’s the Daryls.

Now, for the rest of it.  It appears that the Tea Party is back.  You remember the Tea Party, right?  They used to gather together, attach tea bags to themselves, and hold signs about how fiscally irresponsible the Democratic president was.  They dressed up in 18th century costumes and carried Gadsden flags and implored TV news viewers to not tread upon them.  Gradually, that previous President managed to manage a rather successful couple of terms, and the Tea Party removed the tea bags from their heads and renamed themselves the “Freedom Caucus.”  They finally realized how silly those tea bags looked, I suppose.

Eventually, that successful President left office after his two terms had ended, and with the help of the Daryls, we elected a Donald President.  This Donald would actually prefer to be King Daryl the First, but more on that later.  This Donald is a Republican, and he spends our tax dollars like it is his money to spend, like his name is on the checks from the Federal Reserve.  More about that later.  

So, the former Tea Party, so incensed about a Democratic President spending money, who managed to shrink the deficit, gave the Tea Party Daryls nothing to do.  And then, lack of principles being what they are, the Daryls said nothing about the Republican President who appears to be implementing his management style from his unsuccessful casino businesses, where patrons threw money at him in return for some blinking lights.  King Daryl Donald couldn’t make that work.  

Then, along came a crisis that King Daryl had not created, representing an opportunity to show that he could actually solve problems for which he was not the origin…or as he likes to say, “the oranges…the oranges.”  King Daryl’s management philosophy can be summed up in this slightly modified nursery rhyme.  

Little King Daryl

Sat on a barrel

Eating responsible government

He banned all Muslims

Then along came a virus

And he banned all travel from China

Then said what a good President am I

Alright, I exaggerated a little for effect.  There was no barrel.  

King Daryl wants to “reopen” the various state’s economies, since the method for eliminating Covid-19 from King Daryl’s kingdom has required the various states to essentially shut down.  Remember Ohio’s bragging rights?  Well, North, South, East, and West Daryl eventually came around and shut their carnivals down.  King Daryl has run out of patience in this effort to run out of patients.  He is now employing a double “task force” strategy in response to the crisis.  It is a sort of two-pronged/one wrong approach to fixing, and yet, exacerbating the problem.  The first task force is one headed by scientists and doctors who specialize in epidemiology and public policy.  The second task force is a public group of CEO volunteers who are also refusing to be named, and refuse to cooperate in “reopening” with King Donald until he demonstrates sufficient adherence to the recommendations of the first task force.  I call this the Double Dumb Donald Daryl Doctrine.  

So, yesterday in Lansing, North Daryl, the old cast of the Tea Party came out to protest social distancing.  They feel that Gov. Whitmer is infringing upon their freedom.  The Gadsden flags were back too.  This social distancing, which is choking off the growth of this very contagious virus should be handled individually.  In other words, in North Daryl, (and also South Daryl), they should be allowed to face this virus on their terms, and possibly die…(and kill others), because…freedom.  They don’t want to just cut off their nose to spite their face.  They think they should be able to cut off their faces to spite their noses.  You have to admit, it is genius in a Daryl sort of way.  

In New York State, Gov. Cuomo explained today social distancing has dropped the infection rate from 1.2% to 0.9%.  That demonstrates the margin between out of control growth of the infection, where hospitals are at risk of being overwhelmed, to the level necessary for the virus to dwindle and die away, rather than the population of host (humans) dying away.  That .3% is where we stand right now.  That is, if you believe science.  And, speaking of science, King Daryl has cut off funding to the W.H.O., in the middle of a pandemic, because, well…China.