Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA

Televangelist Claims Veggie Burgers are a Satanic Plot to Alter Our DNA:  Christian televangelist Rick Wiles is warning his audience that the popularity of plant-based alternatives to meat and dairy products are part of a satanic plot to alter human DNA and create a race of soulless creatures who will no longer be able to accept Jesus Christ as their personal savor. 

Wow, who knew?  And while I’m sure many of you are laughing, Pastor Wiles does have a valid point.  Just think about it, when’s the last time you’ve seen anyone accepting Jesus Christ as their personal savior while they were gobbling down a meatless veggie burger?  I thought so!  

Now, I know some of you skeptics are gonna ask, if Lucifer alters the DNA of some poor schmuck who innocently downed a veggie burger at lunch- why the hell doesn’t God just issue some kind of a “software update” and fix the poor guy’s DNA himself?  After all, don’t Christians believe God made all the plants too.

Well, if Pastor Wiles’ analysis is correct, it turns out that while God can do lots and lots of really cool and amazing stuff, it seems He’s completely powerless to interfere in the affairs of meatless, vegetable protein.  I guess everyone has their limits.  

Meanwhile, President Trump told followers at a recent rally in Ohio that what we need to do is start sending some of these people who are eating all these damn vegetables back to where they came from. 

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