New Rules for Daily Behavior in a Shooting Gallery

  1. Do not wear brightly colored clothing out in public. Shooters tend to focus on the plumage. Also, avoid white at night and black in daylight.
  2. Do not go to large public gatherings. Shooters tend to be drawn to large public gatherings. This includes schools, supermarkets, restaurants, big box stores, movie theaters, concerts, festivals, marches, rallies, sporting events, races….or any other advertised event. If you know about it, the shooter knows about it.
  3.  If gunfire breaks out, do not run for cover. Running attracts the shooter’s attention. Drop down and play dead. Shooters don’t shoot dead people, so pretend you’re dead. Don’t move or you really could end up dead.
  4. If armed, do not attempt to return rifle fire. Your handgun is only effective up to around 100 feet but you’re probably not good for more than 25 feet. The shooter can reach out and touch you from a hundred yards or more. In the meantime, you are turning yourself into a prime target, along with the people around you. (So much for the good guy with a gun.)
  5. Do not attempt to hide behind car doors. Rifle bullets go right through them. Put the entire vehicle between you and the shooter, then hit the ground and stay down. Behind the tires if can manage it.
  6. Do not go looking for friends and loved ones until the shooting is over. Stay down and hope they do the same.
  7.  If you’re shot or someone else is, stop the bleeding with pressure, front and back.
  8.  Don’t bother to call 911. They already know all about it. It’s a waste of your time.
  9.  Never stand near famous people. Ask Chicago Mayor Anton Cermak. Well, no, you can’t because he was murdered by Giuseppe Zangara simply because he was standing next to president-elect Franklin Delano Roosevelt. (Well, actually, it was a botched medical procedure that finally killed Cermack.
  10. When it is all over, make sure you file suit against the company that made the rifle, the store that sold it, ditto for the ammunition. You won’t win, but you will feel better because you have done something.

NOTE:  These rules apply only to long-range rifle shooters. Short-range rifle shooters and pistol shooters require a different tactic. Everyone should start jumping up and down, while screaming and waving their hands aggressively. This will confuse the shit out of the shooter. Then attack the mother fucker and beat him to death. Some of you will die but others will leave alive because of what you do. collectively, did.